By Sir Hardly Anyone
There was an awfully large amount of fuss about shutting the 2018 summer window early so that transfers were done before the season started. Which makes it seem rather odd not to say illogical not to say bizarre that we now have a one month transfer window during the season launching itself in two and a half months.
Except it would be odd if it were not for the fact that this is football, a world where logic is by passed and reality always comes second best.
And we have a new tactic for the winter transfer window: the double back. Headline a transfer at the end of the story put a link to read more, and then print the same story again on another page to get an extra hit. Yep: wind up the fans and get two hits for the price of one. What joy!
But our job is (apart from the quaffing of wine) the making of fun of the silly boys that do the rumours. So we’re off again with all the players Arsenal are going to sign in the January window.
1, Miguel Almiron. Source: Football London
He’s from Atlanta United. And the logic from the most illogical of bot written websites is “With head coach Unai Emery bringing in five new players ahead of the new season, it appears that there could be one or two new faces at the club come January.”
Oh and there is more for “While a new winger will be a priority for the club given Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has played on the left in recent weeks, Almiron will give the team more competition going forward if he does sign on the dotted line.” And where does Auba play?
Anyway Almiron is a No 10 type attacking midfielder
Credibility rating of source based on last summer: 1.4%
2: Piotr Zielinski. Source: Transfer Tavern
Almost as bonkers as Football London the Tavern did manage to get a higher cred rating last summer. This guy is Polish, aged 24 and plays for Napoli and he is a midfielder.
Credibility rating of source based on last summer: 7%
3: Steven Bergwijn. Source Football Transfer Tavern
“He is 20-year-old can play on either side of the midfield and even as a second striker, something which Arsenal could do with in terms of valuable versatility. Not to say that he would jump straight into the starting line-up but the way Steven Bergwijn is strutting his stuff, he could prove to be an extremely good player for the future of Arsenal.”
“He is unsurprisingly dubbed to be one of the better youngsters in world football right now and if Arsenal could secure the long-term services of a player of Bergwijn’s quality, then the team renowned for producing young talent could use that same successful method yet again.”
Credibility rating of source based on last summer: 7% Credibility of this transfer 0% it is just an idea.
4: Andre Dozzell. Source: The Hard Tackle
He’s an attacking midfielder and he’s had a cruciate knee ligament injury so he is an obvious for us and is the son of Jason Dozzell, a former Tiny Totts star. He is with Ipswich. Foot Lond also say we are interested mention that he is 19 and he played quarter of an hour in the defeat to Middlesbrough.
Credibility rating of source based on last summer: 1%
6. Transfer news live: Arsenal seal £70m deal for 2019. Source Football London
There is no deal. It is just make believe.
Credibility rating of source based on last summer: minus 6%.
7: SANCHO TO GO: Source Talk Sprout
“Jadon Sancho at the centre of £100m tug-of-war as Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea and Tottenham circle – reports”
And so here is the breathless commentary…
“Jadon Sancho is at the centre of a £100million transfer tug-of-war, with five Premier League clubs reportedly interested according to reports.”
He plays for Borussia Dortmund star and has nine assists this season, almost all of them from the bench. Quite clefer really.
Credibility rating of source based on last summer: No one has a credibility rating for the Srpout.
8: Max Aarons. Source Football League World
“Norwich defender Max Aarons couldn’t have wished for a better start to his professional career since he made his debut in a Carabao Cup match against League 2 side Stevenage.”
He is 18, made seven starts for Norwich. plays for England under 19, and he’s just signed a new deal with the Canaries and he’s a right back.
Credibility rating based on last summer: a new one on us. Let’s wait and see.
So we’re off on the great race to find the biggest nonsense.